5 things on my mind today:

1. Twitter thinks I like tweets from random strangers announcing that a family member has died, and although I am deeply sorry for their losses, I have literally no idea who any of these people are, and I am exhausted. I want my feed to be full of important shit, like tweets from people who used to be on SNL and politicians eviscerating Ted Cruz. The Stefan Lessaard ones can stay.

2. Child #6 has moved from "breastfeeding" to "occasionally snacking on her favorite emotional support boob" and she's very grabby. How do you do a stop/start/continue with an infant who has a tooth, long fingernails, and a clenched fist full of your left breast when she doesn't even speak sentences yet but she does say "mama" and you love her, but need her to not pull out all your hair?

3. All six kids are here during spring break and nobody eats enough goddamned fiber, so every deuce clogs the toilet. I do not have time for this amount of plunging.

4. Are these things on my face freckles or squamous cell carcinoma?

5. I accidentally grew a shitload of asparagus in my garden through blatant neglect alone, and now I'm wondering if I can ignore any other vegetables to the point of Pinterest-worthy produce photos.