This one's gonna be NSFW, so... You've been warned.

Mr. Potato Head (kinda/sorta) came out as nonbinary this week and, obviously, this is offensive to some people. 'Cause, you know. A toy's gender identity should be consistent with its metaphorical potato dick.

What in the ever-loving hell is wrong with people?

Let me see if I understand this whole faux outrage situation:

1. The toy has previously been known as "Mr. Potato Head." Although we never saw a literal, physical tuber steak, we assumed that because he walked, talked, and acted like a dude, he was a dude.

2. The same respect for one's gender identity cannot be extended to trans or nonbinary humans, because people should dress in a way that clearly explains their genitals to others. Particularly if they have to pee in public.

3. Upon recognizing public outcry over the announcement, Hasbro clarified that they had dropped the "Mr." from Potato Head's official name, to be more inclusive, but would still show the traditional "Mr." or "Mrs." designations in small print on the packaging. So, they removed gender identity from the main toy, but allowed the toy's accessories to dictate whether the individual toy was a male or female. The Potato Head proper is nonbinary, but can be referred to as "Mr." or "Mrs." depending on how they're dressed and whatever is printed on the label.

4. People are still mad, because there definitely should not be a nonbinary fictional root vegetable. It's "Mr." Potato Head, and even though we've never seen his penis, we should respect his gender identity.

5. Again, for some reason, trans and nonbinary humans do not deserve the same respect. A potato can be a "Mrs.," and nobody needs to see her tater twat, but for people, it's just wrong or bad, apparently. Because of the Bible or whatever.

Am I understanding this? We're mad because the dickless potato should be called "Mr."? I have to admit, I did not have that on my "Transphobia Bingo" card.

What's the alternative, here? A potato genital expansion pack? Because you need to know that your magical potato friend is a REAL man? I don't know about you, but I, for one, think it's a little inappropriate to demand to see evidence of someone's private parts, just so I can confirm that their gender identity "matches" whatever is going on with their body. Call me old-fashioned, but I kinda feel like that's really none of anyone's business. Especially when we're talking about a toy. Or a potato. Or a *literal* toy potato.

How about, instead, we just let the plastic potato be a plastic potato? Instead, let's learn more about how it feels for actual human beings who are misgendered and disrespected. I guess I just feel like this is a better use of our time. Just please promise me that we won't spend any more time thinking about potato dicks. We're better than that, you guys.