Today marks 9 months of our gentle, inquisitive, sweet baby joining us earthside. ❤️
And, 9 months since the day I decided to quit drinking.
I haven't shared a lot of detail about the decision to live sober since I made it, for a few reasons. First, I was genuinely afraid that if I said it out loud to too many people, I'd be guaranteed to fail. Second, I've needed some time to process the feelings behind the decision, because at first I didn't fully understand why sobriety suddenly felt like such an important decision.
The fact is, when Daisy was born, and whisked away to the NICU, I was scared to death that I was going to lose her. I lay in my hospital bed, in the recovery room, and wept for the tiny human who was supposed to be in my arms and wasn't. We learned pretty quickly that she was okay, and that this was mostly a precautionary measure when babies are born in respiratory distress. But somehow, by the time they wheeled me to my postpartum room, it became very clear to me that I have taken way too many things my life for granted. I had wasted too many moments trying to "take the edge off" with a glass of wine, when I should have been allowing myself to feel whatever I needed to feel.
If I had taken the edge off of the moments when I was terrified of losing my baby, I would never have felt the depth of gratitude I experienced when we knew she was okay.
Edges are funny like that, I guess.
So, here's my nine month testament that you don't need to have a rock bottom, or even an addiction. You can also just decide to live sober because you want to feel everything in it's delicious, complicated, terrifying splendor.
It's scarier on this side, but my God, is it beautiful. ❤️